 |
|
|
In light of the tragic shootings this week at Virginia Tech, here's a modified excerpt from my award-winning inspirational book BACK TO THE GARDEN: Getting from Shadow to Joy that touches on self-hatred, how people project it onto others in so many destructive ways, and how they can begin to shift. DeservabilitySo much self-sabotage comes back to deservability. It's the sabotage we wreak upon ourselves when we choose not to HALT and take our pulse and take care of what we need now. HALT is an acronym I learned through the recovery program Al Anon, for family and friends of alcoholics. Keeping HALT in mind helps people stay aware of whether they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, and various positive ways of taking care of themselves if they are. The well of undeservability springs from so many ancient messages. Our families, schools and churches, the media triggering our own inner voices of "not good enough-ness" if we're not wearing the right brand, or even the kids in the schoolyard who laughed and pointed if we were different in the slightest. If we couldn't run as fast, or kick the ball the correct way; even if we just looked funny. Deservability. Why the Madness?Why are we not able to demonstrate some generosity of spirit to ourselves, and project it outward to others as well? Why this continuous whipping, beating, prodding and flagellating ourselves with insane psychological torture? Why the madness? Whatever self-hatred we harbor within eventually spills out onto the earth as blame, pollution, war, even annihilation if we don't shift to self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-love. First one by one and then by the millions. In the past, my non-deservability attacks often occurred on vacations with my significant other. Can you envision a better place for self-sabotage? Did I really deserve to be in such a lovely environment with someone who loved me, and cared very much for my health and happiness? Apparently not, because before too long I'd pick a fight, make him wrong, manage to wreck the vacation and sometimes even the relationship. Getting A GripInvariably, each deservability blip would drive another nail into the coffin of that romance. I hated myself while I was engaged in this destructive mode. However, because I had "gone unconscious" I had lost contact with my true Self, and lost control. Eventually I became more conscious and stopped that relationship sabotage. But it was only the process of learning to love myself that permitted me to demonstrate love and acceptance to others. 100% Pure?Laura, (name is changed) a very accomplished holistic healthcare professional, has perfection issues stemming from the notion that if she is even slightly off, if she is somewhere less than 100%, then she is irredeemably tainted. Unless she's 100% perfect, she's impure! Certainly that would make her not good enough for whatever good might be coming her way. Her desire for at least some sweetness in her life added to her cravings for sugar, which caused her to go into an endless cycle of sugar-spike-then-drop, followed by intense rounds of self-flagellation for not being able to control her eating habits. What is the classic chocoholic's pattern after eating a piece? "Well, if I'm not perfect, I might as well be perfectly awful and eat the rest of the box! So there!" I suggested she give herself permission to eat just one or two pieces of chocolate, and don't keep more than that in the house. One key on the path to self-love: Lead thyself not into temptation. And by all means give yourself some slack if you fall off the chocolate cart. The objective is not to drive yourself deeper into guilt and misery, which of course will be assuaged by more chocolate! You're Doing Good!Your guardian angel wants you to be happy! She's shouting encouragement in your ear if you'll only listen! Her self-talk is this: "You're doing good! You're doing good! You're doing good!" (See, she even forgives herself when not using proper grammar, which would be to say very primly, "You're doing well!" Somehow that sounds too formal for a little cheerleading angel guarding your ear). Just like The Little Engine That Could, she wants you to succeed. When Laura's new boyfriend treated her to some tokens of his affection and admiration for her, all hell broke loose. The occasion was a black tie affair. The articles: an evening gown, some new shoes, pearl earrings and a necklace. The response: "Oh I look so awful in this dress! Look how lumpy and fat I am!" I suggested that she'd reached the upper limit of the good she was willing to accept into her life, and that when she learned how to receive more, more good would flow to her. The Adoration OpportunityBeing adored is a wonderful opportunity. At some point, anyone may begin to believe that the way they are viewed (as an absolutely wonderful, precious human being to be cherished) may begin to rub off. Eventually they may even become convinced that their adorer's interest is quite valid. How much good can you accept? Not so long ago I would exclaim "Unbelievable" when a check appeared unexpectedly, or when some other great good would come my way. In recent years, I've learned to watch the way I think and talk much more. When that check appears out of the blue I say aloud, "I believe it! And more where that came from! Thank you God!" In the past my attitude was far more accountant-like and scrutinizing... analyzing how, where, when and why such good fortune had befallen me, instead of simply accepting it and expecting more good to flow to me, and expressing my gratitude verbally or in song. God loves music, don't you think?
LinksOUR EMAIL LIST SERVICE: Many people ask me how I manage this email list. I use a great service called AWeber. Find out more about them at www.aweber.com ATTRACT MORE CLIENTS: If you want to attract more clients more consistently I highly recommend the Action Plan Marketing web site. It includes a lot of free information and great products that help you be a better marketer, including a great Marketing Start-up Kit. http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/?af=496309 EARN A LIVING WRITING: The Well Fed Writer (& Self-Publisher) offers lots of great tips on how you can convert your passion for the word into actual dollars--he managed to do it and tells you how! http://www.wellfedwriter.com/cmd.php?af=507664 |
Upcoming Keynotes & Training Engagements
American Business Women's Association
Creative Entrepreneurs Network
Community Bankers Association of Georgia
Enrichment of Life Movement
Peggy Slappey Properties Sales Training
Media Coverage
Atlanta Business Chronicle
Fire Up Your Group-Hire me to Speak!Here's a testimonial from my talk "Influence Made Easy: Making Connections that Sell"
Patrice Dickey is just the type of speaker we always
strive to have.... interesting and energetic while
providing valuable information in a short amount of
time. The comments after the event showed that the tips
she shared were of value to our members."
Cool Mind Candy
ElifeMagazine.net asked about my Ebook, 101 Simple Ways to Kick the Depression Habit & Get Happier Without Prozac.
Join My Celebration!Writer's Digest recently notified me that my book BACK TO THE GARDEN: Getting from Shadow to Joy was chosen as an Honorable Mention in the Inspirational category of the 14th Annual Writer's Digest Self-Published Book Awards, so I'm offering an internet special! Visit www.PatriceDickey.com and the book is yours for only $14.95 plus shipping and tax where applicable. The cover letter said, "Competition was particularly fierce this year so (the) accomplishment is truly impressive."—I'll toast that! Here's what Judge #39 said about BACK TO THE GARDEN. "This really is a delightful book, full of pithy, wise, fun, real, honest, short selections, each to the point and with a message one can carry away to ponder. Written by a woman who has obviously Been There, the book shares, directs, reflects wisdom and understanding at every possible turn—and quite painlessly. The writing is witty, accessible, easy and enjoyable to read, chatty or conversational, on universal subjects, what we will all encounter as we lead full lives. Dickey offers effective ideas, new fresh perspectives, techniques or tools to deal with these everyday problems or situations... The subject titles are fresh and catchy; and the interior design and cover are attractive. I like this book." I'm also honored to mention that the book has previously won Inspirational, Spiritual, Aging, Death&Dying, and 1st Place Nonfiction awards from the IPPYs 2006, Best Books 2006 (two categories) and Atlanta Writers Club, respectively. |
|
If you find this Ezine refreshing, please pass it along to your friends and colleagues. Much appreciated! Your Guide to the Life You Love™ Patrice Dickey is a coach, motivational speaker and author of the internationally award-winning book Back to the Garden: Getting from Shadow to Joy. Learn more at www.artofchange.org. If you'd like to submit some Cool Mind Candy for consideration, please email me at pdcom@mindspring.com Thanks! 4/20/07 Copyright © Patrice Dickey 2007. All rights reserved. PERMISSION TO REPRINT: You may reprint any items from "Your Guide to the Life You Love(TM)" in your print or electronic newsletter. But please include the following paragraph: Reprinted from "Your Guide to the Life You Love(TM)" a complimentary Ezine featuring tools & tips, perspective shifts to help enrich your life, expand your horizons and experience Your Personal Definition of success—always including cool mind candy with that hopeful flavor. To subscribe, please visit www.artofchange.org and, if you like, download the Ebook "101 Simple Ways to Kick the Depression Habit and Get Happier Without Prozac." PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your Guide to the Life You Love(TM) will never distribute your address to anyone—honest! ***
Patrice Dickey
Phone: 404-294-9333 |