Love the One You're With
It's dusk at a trendy outdoor watering hole near
Piedmont Park. The fragrance of mimosa trees lingers
in the air as the six are seated in view of Midtown
lights.
Kate Spade, Ferragamo and Armani
have all made the scene at this table of gym-toned
women and an equal number of buff-bods.
As
if on cue, several cell phones ring. Suddenly the
others at the table decide it's a good time to catch
up with Voicemail. All at once, every single person
at this table is yakking in muffled tones that imply
the importance and urgency of each conversation. Not
a one is acknowledging anyone else at the table.
What's wrong with this picture?
No, I'm not
Miss Manners flogging the rudeness factor, although
that certainly plays a role.
I'm talking
about the disengagement from each other; the
disengagement from the here and now; from life in
the present moment with pleasures at hand. The
disengagement that is steadily undermining our
collective sense of self, of soul and of community.
In a word, disconnect.
Many of you
have probably heard of Life Coaching, a process
where a trained and registered coach serves as a
resource, a rah-rah, an agent of accountability and
fellow (or sister) traveler on the journey to your
happiest, fullest, richest and most exquisitely
balanced life.
One of the keys to that life
is connection. Connection to oneself, one's soul,
and others.
What is so enticing about the
wireless 'out there' that many seem so desperate to
grasp--the appearance of being desired by someone
else, evidenced by a cell phone glued to the ear?
The China Syndrome?
True story: At
a trendy restaurant in one of China's major cities,
cell and non-cell areas are enforced. Upon entering
the restaurant, non-cell diners check their phones
on a rack.
One evening a fire alarm
sounded. In the jostling to escape the rack toppled,
scattering phones everywhere. With danger past,
patrons returned to retrieve their phones and it was
revealed that at least half were fake!
Granted, phones are so cheap and accessible here
that carrying a fake would be a true anomaly. But
the point remains.
Here, as there, people
seek external validation and the appearance of being
important, rather than establishing their own
validity based on self-awareness, self-acceptance,
self-respect and self-love.
Status Anxiety,
a book by Alain de Botton on the latest 'epidemic'
plaguing Americans, declares that we're not just
jonesing for material goods and peer respect. Our
main desire is a deep yearning for love.
But we live in a society constantly measuring
ourselves against each other.
And guess
what? If we're constantly measuring by an external
yardstick--the heft of the boob job; the brand of the
cognac, the vehicle or the underwear; the exotica of
the latest eco-tour--then validation of any kind will
remain forever elusive.
It's an inside job,
friends, and it can't be bought.
De Botton
suggests that originality and creativity are two of
the sanest paths through the material maze. Yes, the
outer stimulus has its purpose--and that is to
trigger the divine inspiration of your own creative
gifts.
Finding one's inner compass requires
putting down the figurative cell phone. Stop
expecting the true guidance to come from 'out there'
somewhere. When you feel lost, seek direction
within.
Look at the people you truly
admire. Do you think Johnny Depp, Beyonce, Norah
Jones or Bill Gates would have achieved their
creative pinnacles by following the herd?
Your Hairdresser Knows For Sure
My
hairdresser is a talented, highly creative and
delightful man, whose brother happens to be a
talented, highly creative LA/world film director.
Now in his 30s, Charley has tapped his inner vision
to lead a rich, satisfying and balanced life.
It wasn't always this way, he confessed in one
of those salon tete-a-tetes.
As a child
virtually raised by TV and movies, 'I thought every
problem could be solved in 30 to 90 minutes. I spent
a great deal of my 20s wondering why I didn't feel
the way I thought I was supposed to feel,' he said.
When he stopped impatiently seeking answers
'out there,' everything began to fall into place.
You can do it too. Hang up the cell phone.
Become present to yourself and whomever or whatever
you're with right now--even if it's your pet, your
garden, your watercolor-in-progress.
Listen, and begin to connect. It's a wonderful world
in there.
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